RHOBH Recap: Affairs & Accidents

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If you thought things were bad before for Erika – we’re about to charter a whole new territory this episode.

The ladies are going to Kyle’s desert home but in the meantime Erika is saying goodbye to her home away from home as she can no longer afford her “office.” I have a hard time feeling bad for Erika as I never understood why a club singer needed a huge office space in the first place. Erika admits that she is now living on a budget, and once again how are any of us supposed to show sympathy as 99% of the viewers watching have always lived on a budget.

The ladies arrive at Kyle’s Palm Desert home but what I really want is for Kim Richards to pop up accusing her sister of stealing her GD house! I digress but I can’t get enough of the Richards sisters and their iconic scenes. Fortunately the Queen Richards sister herself arrives as Kathy walks in with a tacky giant candle and is shocked that there are no employees at casa Kyle. The conversation quickly turns to Erika and it’s revealed that Tom’s assets are frozen and the court is ordering an assessment to evaluate Tom’s mental capacity. Opinions vary as Dorit can relate to having frozen assets while rich ass Crystal just thinks Tom should just write a $2 million dollar check to make this problem go away.

An emotional Erika arrives and says the obvious: things are not okay (and that is the understatement of the season.) Erika seems to go out of her way to make it known that Tom is losing it and I have to ask: If this is true, why is she leaving her husband of 20 years when he needs her the most? The group is incredibly sympathetic towards Erika and share their tragic stories to show that they can relate. The ladies go on to admit on camera that they don’t look at anything when signing documents with their husband, and for the sake of them, I hope they are never investigated as that’s not something to brag about.

We get some much needed comic relief watching Kathy use stale bread as percussion instruments and use BBQ bristles as a broom. Can we also mention her table setting? Only Kathy would use a single lemon as a paper weight for napkins and call it a day. Thank goodness this season has Kathy Hilton!

The ladies dine on lasagna and rock hard bread and discuss the demise of Erika Jayne. Erika admits that she most likely will not continue with her second persona as she spends more money than she makes being Ms. Jayne. Mikey Minden doesn’t work for free after all! Erika steers the conversation towards Tom’s declining health and says he should turn in his bar card, not because he allegedly stole from victims, but because his mind is going. The ladies are believing this narrative and just go along with everything that Erika says despite her ever changing story that has more twists and turns than the road he apparently tumbled down. Erika reveals that there was really no car accident after all but that he went on a road behind his house, fell down a hill and was unconscious all while Erika assumed that he was out with another women. Um…okay what?! Can we get a diagram with arrows and photos to explain this as I am incredibly confused. Oh yes, and there were also multiple affairs (and this is all before we even get into the legal issues.) Can someone get me the cliff’s notes on this as I don’t even know where to begin on this.

RHOBH airs Wednesday’s on Bravo.

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