Can I just start out by saying that best dressed for this reunion is….Andy Cohen. No offense ladies – you’re all beautiful but all of those outfits are not doing them any favors. #Justmyopinion.
So on to the actual drama, we start out hard as Andy instantly asks Teresa about Joe’s deportation drama. Teresa hints she is at a breaking point revealing ‘I don’t know how much a person can take.’ Andy promises more on that later as the juicy stuff is always saved for last. We start out with some safe topics (plastic surgery) and learn that Jackie had a tummy tuck, Dolores and Marge had face lifts and Dolores even had butt injections. In the words of Jennifer – Own it baby!
Margaret is first in the hot seat and we get the official ‘Marge montage.’ We learn that Margaret and Joe shower together every day (kinda weird) and that her housekeeper is as odd as she comes off; however Marge isn’t getting rid of her anytime soon. Regarding her family drama, Brett and Jan are moving towards a reconciliation; however we don’t find out what the feud was about. On to her money problems, Marge reveals that the Vineyard Vines lawsuit is still a pain; however her house is apparently out of foreclosure. To be fair, is there any NJ housewife that hasn’t had a house in foreclosure at one time or another?
We randomly move on to the Oklahoma drama and Jennifer sticks by her original statement that it was the worst vacation ever. I’m not a huge Margaret fan but agree with her here: Jennifer shut up and get over it. Three days in the Sooner state won’t kill you and you survived. Life is good so please move on.
The adorable children of Jersey get their time in the sun and Jennifer admits that she is the most lenient of the mothers. Melissa shares that Antonia is at the age that everything is embarrassing (typical tween) and Dolores reveals that her hot son Frankie is single. You hearing this ladies?
Dolores gets her montage which revolves around charity and coping with empty nest syndrome. Dolores reveals that she is still living with Frank and that Frank is building a house for her boyfriend David. Dolores’ relationship with David is strange, however Dolores is looking for a ring from David so perhaps they have a future. Dolores also gives an update on Jeremiah and shares that someone leased his family an apartment even if they couldn’t afford it. At least there is one happy story this season!
We get to the
good below the belt stuff and look at Margaret’s cultural insensitivity, Jennifer going after Tre’s necklace and Marge Sr. along with Margaret’s accusations against poor Bill. Jennifer has a serious problem with Margaret’s affair and anyone coming from a conservative/traditional background would probably agree. Margaret is pretty shameless about her affair and admits it went on for over a year and doesn’t apologize for it. What else is she not sorry for? Apparently that the ‘mail order’ bride comment as she stands by it much to the irk of Jennifer. Margaret doesn’t seem to be very culturally sensitive and can’t just admit it was plain rude. Margaret: it’s okay to humble yourself and to take several seats once in awhile. Also not giving in? Jennifer who calls Marge Sr. a homewrecker and admits that her brother can fool around with any American but better not touch a Turkish princess. Not a fan of either statement to be honest; however I also have no idea why Margaret would put her mother’s affair on blast so shamelessly. If Margaret is going to put this stuff out there she better be prepared for the reactions.
Margaret’s comments about Bill comes up and Jennifer reveals she was hurt because she took something she shared with the ladies as a joke and Marge made it ugly. The monkey’s asshole comment comes up and Margaret gives a very descriptive picture of what a real monkey asshole looks like. Thanks for that Marge! The necklace is thrown in the mix and Jennifer is firm in her stance that not going to her brother was wrong. Margaret and Jennifer are never going to get along so Andy is wasting his time here; however that’s what the reunion is all about isn’t it?
Jackie gets her time in the spotlight and thinks very highly of herself as she is both a “Carrie” and a “Miranda” due to being a writer and a lawyer. I’ll be shady and say it: from what I’ve seen of her work, Jackie is more of a glorified blogger than a serious hard hitting journalist. If I see more of her work other than ‘minivan musings’ perhaps I’ll change my mind but her article on Jennifer didn’t help her case. Her eating disorder comes up and she reveals she is confident she has beat it as she sees a nutritionist and that dark time is in the past. She is also speaking to her sister (which we still know nothing about) however when Teresa comments she doesn’t speak with her own sister Jackie plays it off like they are all good. Didn’t she just say they didn’t speak for 15 years for no reason? What the?
The infamous Jackie/Teresa book signing comes up and I think Tre is spot on when she says Jackie was a fan girl who came in with an agenda. Apparently the “real story” is she was a fan, was walking to a shoe store and just happened to walk by. Doesn’t Jackie remind you of Bobby who had the same story when his fan pics were found? Teresa calls her a stalker and Jackie claims Tre will never beat her in a war of words. She may be right there as Tre gets the words ‘hungry’ and ‘thirsty’ mixed up which wasn’t her best look.
The infamous scene between Jackie and Tre comes up along with her ‘minivan musings’ article. Teresa thinks that Jackie lacks compassion (which I agree) and Jackie calls anyone who supports Teresa a ‘yes man’ including Dolores. At this point it’s Jackie, Melissa and Marge vs. Tre, Dolores and Jennifer which ends with Teresa and Melissa getting into a feud over whose side Melissa should be on. We end with Jackie accusing Teresa of not writing her own book and Tre calling Jackie a ‘cold hearted b**ch.’ Yikes! It’s only part one and things are beyond heated.