Hold on to your life jackets, it’s the episode that Bravo has been promoting all season – the boat ride from hell!
The ladies are having brunch and are getting ready for their island adventure. The ladies are discussing the night before which was a hot mess and everyone seems to have an emotional hangover. Luann is wondering if Dorinda even remembers what she said and Dorinda arrives just in time to pick up their fight right where they left off. The fight continues as Dorinda feels she was being judged/lectured and Luann still appalled at the names she was called. Dorinda feels she has been the friend of the century and feels Luann betrayed by her. Bethenny then gets in the middle of it and a lovely brunch is once again wasted.
While the poor wait staff looks on at their hard work going to waste, Carole and Bethenny then get in a fight which pretty much sets the tone for the day. Dorinda then gets up and walks away
because she is hungover and needs to lie down and according to her has zero regrets about her actions. Carole and Bethenny then continue their argument and I’m starting to wonder if any of these bitches actually like each other. Poor Tinsley looks devastated that her Colombia trip has turned into a disaster and we haven’t even got to the boat ride yet…
Dorinda and Carole privately talk and it’s clear that Dorinda feels remorse about her actions. Carole encourages the Countess and Dorinda to talk and the two hug it out. Dorinda immediately bursts into tears and I think Dorinda is secretly shameful about her drunken outbursts. Luann is still angry and their tearful hug quickly turns into dinner fight 2.0 as it’s clear that Luann is seriously hurt by Dorinda. The two seem to come to a peaceful agreement; however in her talking head it’s clear that Lu may forgive but is not ready to forget.
Back at the table, Bethenny is going on and on about Carole; however doesn’t seem to know that Carole is sitting right there. Carole calls her out and Bethenny is clearly embarrassed that she wouldn’t shut up about the demise of their friendship; however tries to play it off. Bethenny then tears up (again) and it’s clear that this fight with Carole is deeply affecting her. Bethenny doesn’t have any strong family relationships and her relationships with men seems to be short lived. I think she is shocked that one of her most solid friendships is coming to an end as well and is is deeply bothering her.
The ladies leave for their island adventure and their day starts out all fun with sun, pink champagne, bikinis and partying on the boat – sign me up! The ladies then arrive at their own private island greeted by a full staff and tropical drinks. It’s finally starting to feel like a real housewives vacation and Tinsley is thrilled the ladies are finally seeing the Cartagena
of the 1% that she knows. The ladies are finally having some fun and decide to play a prank on Ramona by scaring her with a crab.
Sonja is having the most fun out of everyone as she is wasted, flashing the ladies and showing off her bikini (that still has the tags on.) A few things about this: 1.) EW that Sonja may try and return this after wearing it and 2.) Is she really that hard up for money?? The girls are having such a good time that Tinsley even (gasp) let’s her hair get wet which says a lot.
The fun can’t last forever with this group as Dorinda has a breakdown about the things she said to Luann. It’s clear that Dorinda consistently feels shameful after drinking so perhaps she should take a break from those martinis. Luann and Dorinda have a sincere conversation to which Luann states she forgives her. All seems to be going well; however in her talking head Luann states that she has concerns about Dorinda and her drinking (don’t we all Lu!)
Luann and Sonja are giving the ladies a dry run of their cabaret act when they are interrupted by the staff that they need to leave due to choppy waters. The ladies don’t leave a minute too soon as the weather is taking a turn for the worst and Sonja immediately has a meltdown, peeing her pants and wondering if she will see her daughter again. Tinsley is trying to reassure Sonja that this is normal while Carole is vomiting in a bucket. A siren is going off, the smell of smoke is in the air and their little boat is facing 15 foot waves. At this point I too would be having a meltdown as even production had to stop filming as the conditions got so serious.
We see the aftermath next morning, showing all ladies survived; however were seriously scarred from what happened. The anchor had deployed and the cameraman were holding on for their lives. The anchor ended up being cut off which saved their lives; however Tinsley is the only one who didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Are you still trying to salvage this vacation Tinsley?? Apparently the PTSD only lasted a few hours as the ladies ended up drinking and dancing their last night, minus Dorinda who went to bed early. To add insult to injury some of the ladies got diarrhea and I think it’s time to put a fork in this vacation – it’s done. Sorry Tinsley – but your Cartagena vacation is probably one of the worst housewives vacations we’ve seen! The ladies are more than ready to get back to NYC and one of the last sites we’ve seen is a poop smear on the floor and stains in the bed. And I’m just going to end it with that..