Well here it is! Andy Cohen promised that episode 9 of RHONY was going to be the craziest yet and as usual he is right on the money!
We’re starting off in the Berkshires at Dorinda’s home where Bethenny decides to go off on LuAnn, basically calling her a hypocrite, a whore and accuses her of f*cking everyone – um okay Bethenny tell us what you really think!! What did Luann do to deserve this abuse? Luann allegedly claimed that she helped Bethenny come up with the Skinnygirl name (seriously how much drama has Skinnygirl caused this season??) and insinuated that Bethenny had a similar haircut (for the record – they do!)
So why did Bethenny feel the need to rip Luann a new one over these issues? Bethenny claims she had to call Luann out because Luann is not the Countess that she claims to be while she is in public any no one else had the balls to do it! Per Bethenny, Luann is a “slut, a liar, a hypocrite and a snake!” While all of this is happening Jules is standing around awkwardly wondering what the hell she is doing here! Carole continues to kiss Bethenny’s ass and says that Luann is the problem even though Bethenny is the one acting like a mad woman at this point.
Bethenny needs to lie down after this mess and the ladies come in to ask Bethenny why she blew up at Luann. Bethenny claims she can’t dine with ladies on the upper east side or do things that other ladies do because she has to say what she thinks and can’t BS people (Luann found this out the hard way!) Meanwhile Jules and Luann are having a smoke outside and Jules says her dad is dying and has pneumonia. Luann only half hears this as she is so shaken up over the Bethenny fiasco and is trying to rehash what just went down.
Dorinda comes out and Luann is upset that Dorinda as the hostess didn’t shut it down. I have to agree that as the hostess Dorinda should have said it wasn’t going down in her house; however Dorinda doesn’t see it that way! If someone was getting called the names that Luann was being called in my house I may have intervened at some point.
The ladies conjure in the kitchen and Luann does the unthinkable by mentioning Dorinda’s birthday cake from her mother. Dorinda flips out in what was the most over the top reaction to a cake I’ve ever seen and basically kicks everyone out. Dorinda goes on that she decorated and cooked and if no one could appreciate that, then they all should leave. You go Dorinda!
Luann tries to say everyone was having fun before Bethenny came in and tries to paint Bethenny as the problem. In an attempt to diffuse the situation and salvage the slumber party gone to hell, the ladies try suggest charades or the polar bear club for some activities (like that would make things better) but decide on opening presents instead.
Off to Sonja back in the city who is the loner this episode and was uninvited by Dorinda to the Berkshires. So what is a girl to do when she is all alone? Sonja decides that since she was left out she may as well tighten her vagina to make the most of her free time! We get a look at the “probe” that the doctor is using and even Sonja admits it may be too big for her! At least she has the company of a man and some probing while the other ladies are away!
Back to the Berkshires and Bethenny is feeling guilty that Dorinda got her a present even though she basically ruined her night that she had planned. Downstairs, Carole is acting like a 12 year old and listening behind closed doors to Ramona and Luann to see if Luann was actually upset about calling her a pedophile. We hear Ramona and Luann talking about why Luann is making everyone so upset and Luann seems to laugh it off. Carole notes that Dorinda must be REALLY wealthy as she has wallpaper in her closet (which apparently is a sign of being super rich.)
Back upstairs, Bethenny and Dorinda are laying in bed together calmly talking and Bethenny of course brings up John asking what she wants from him. Dorinda says she doesn’t know if she wants to be with anyone forever again after a divorce and a death and just wants to focus on living in the moment.
While Bethenny and Dorinda are peacefully having a conversation, Ramona and Luann are arguing in the kitchen on whether Luann claimed to take credit for Skinnygirl which was the main reason Bethenny got her panties all in a twist. Ramona, of all people, is helping Luann write an apology text to Bethenny which Luann thinks counts as being the bigger person. I think at this point no one should even mention the word ‘Skinnygirl’ in the presence of Bethenny – no good can come of it this season!
Meanwhile Bethenny, Carole and Jules are having some pillow talk and are talking about one night stands and previous conquests. We find out that Bethenny may possibly want a woman but wouldn’t go down because she is allergic to fish (um – thanks for that Bethenny!)
This really is a good old fashioned girls slumber party as we get some additional gossip with Luann involving her now fiance Tom and his past relationship with Ramona. Luann goes for the jugular by saying that Ramona wants Tom but it’s not happening as he’s not into her – sorry Ramona! Luann has a theory that Bethenny doesn’t want to see Luann happy which is why she is so obsessed with Luann’s love life.
Next week we see Bethenny go at Luann’s love life again accusing her of sleeping with younger men an calling her some additional colorful names! At this point maybe Luann should just walk around with a giant scarlet A on her!