The New York Ladies are back! Let the gossip, yelling, drama, and turtle time begin! We start off with Carole primping for a photoshoot. She invited Heather along to help her feel better about herself, coach her, and take an amazing photo. We learn Carole is ‘holding it down for a hero’ in the bedroom and not sleeping around. Heather then takes over the photoshoot and tells Carole how to pose, what angle is best, fixes her hair, kicks the photographer out of place and takes pictures herself. I may have exaggerated about that last part, but the photographer definitely wanted Heather to zip it!
Next we are onto Sonja’s gorgeous home (yay! she still has it!) and Ramona comes over for a visit! They start giggling, squeeling, and jumping around. (My dogs went running for under the couch at those squeels!) Sonja explains how she got her hair cut by force at palm beach while chatting on the phone and not paying any attention. “New haircut new boys!” She loves it! I love it! She looks like Ramona Beautiful! Ramona starts to say she’s trying to edit herself for Aviva, while Sonja throws up in her mouth at the mention of Aviva. Subject changes to their daughters and Ramona goes all Ramotional about Avery leaving for college. Sonja thinks she needs to put more time into spending with Mario and not worry about it! The conversation with these two jumps around more than them jumping on pinot!
Back at Heathers Carole’s photoshoot Aviva calls and both Carole & Heather go silent. For good energy they ignore the call. Carole is holding a grudge against Aviva for the way Aviva acted at Carole’s book party last year.
Ramona and Sonja are nibbling on salad in Sonja’s kitchen gossiping per usual. Ramona goes into how Reid, Aviva’s husband, was throwing shade at her by talking, not talking, saying they talked but didn’t talk at some charity even. (did you catch that? Because I didn’t) Ramona shares that Heather is throwing a party later and that Ramona will not be talking to Aviva if she goes. Sonja shares that Harry kissed her, and takes it as he wants to get back together and fall in love and move in together and live happily ever after.
Heather throws herself a lush Birthday Party with some of her old industry peeps. A.K.A let me invite these ‘known’ people, name drop, and get it all on camera while smiling and looking fabulous! The drinks flow and on cue Ramona and Sonja come in with Sonja’s intern boyfriend in towe. We are then introduced to our new RHONY housewife Kristen, who talks to Sonja’s boyfriend and Sonja gets a little jelly.
Kristen grew up in Connecticut and started modeling in her teens and came to New York. She has two kids who are absolutely adorable! She is married to Josh, who worked with Heather in the past. Kristen claims she’s non social and likes her sleep while her hubby is the more social one. (and you’re on Housewives why?) “I love my kids but this f—— sucks” THAT sounds like a lot of love. She says she gets away with a lot because she’s pretty, and that it’s a cute inside joke that she’s stupid but pretty.
Back to the party, Sonja is talking vajay jays and her boyfriends eyes pop out of his head. Cut to Aviva running late to Heather’s bday bash via limo talking with her hubby about running into Ramona. However, in the party Ramona, Sonja, and Pinot introduce themselves to Kristen and give her the 411 on the ladies Aviva. Upon Aviva’s arrival Ramona feels dark clouds and evil spirits enter. While Aviva is LOUDLY talking about Harry with Sonja as her boyfriends is only steps away. In the corner, Heather is trying to get the dirt on how old (or should I say young) Sonja’s boyfriend is. Carole decided it was time to say hello to Aviva because she couldn’t put it off any longer. Aviva shares she’s writing a memoir and wants Carole’s advice since she wrote a book. Which reminds Carole of why she isn’t such a big fan of Aviva anymore, nothing personable, it’s only about Aviva Aviva Aviva.
Carole has a one on one with Kristen and falls in love with her. On the other side of the room hell freeze’s over. Aviva tells Ramona she has truly missed her in her life, calls Ramona old and asks for guidance. Aviva goes in for a hug and Ramona reinforces her shield and says no! Aviva wants to be forgiven, but Ramona goes into a ‘sugar and spice and not very nice’ soliloquy and is having none of it.
Kristen is waiting on her husband for dinner. She complains on his tardiness and saying it shows she’s not important if he’s not on time. Josh blames taxi’s taking forever and can’t even take a seat before Kristen lets in on him about being late. Buttering her up he gives her a bling set of earrings that are blow job worthy! He may have been late but at least he came bearing gifts!
Ramona is having a decorator come into her home to help her re-organize her shoes. She gets interrupted with a phone call from Aviva wanting to re-unite and make up. Ramona is still unsure about it and blows her off. There are shoes to organize!
Sonja takes Kristen to a lingerie store and gives sex advice to help corrupt little innocent Kristen to spice up her sex life with her hubby of 8 years. It’s cute seeing Kristen being in awe of Sonja’s little sexual tips. Sonja would know!
Sonja is then shown with her boyfriend interns getting ready for a tea party with the ladies. Ramona and her friend arrive and let themselves in because all 100 of Sonja’s boyfriends interns are busy. Ramona complains she has to teach the interns to open bottles of booze, that there are no plates, and picks on Sonja in her talking head about how Sonja hosts parties un-prepared. Kristen arrives next and sets up camp at the front door…because no one answers and she doesn’t know Sonja well enough to let herself in. Once Kristen is let in, the ladies take a seat, Sonja’s dog eats some carpet, licks some jam, and the tea party begins! Ramona starts off by sharing with the ladies that Aviva had the nerve to call her to try and become besties. Sonja’s hat friend gives some un-solicited advice which I don’t even understand what came out of her mouth. Sonja agrees with her hat friend that Ramona should be friends with Aviva and Ramona loses her pinot at the thought of Sonja having a different opinion as herself. With that, Ramona throws her hands in the air and goes with it. She’ll meet up with Aviva.
Aviva and Ramona meet for dinner, straight hair and wavy hair unite! Aviva flatters Ramona, offers to do shots and get some cocktails to get in Ramona’s good graces! Someone’s trying to win some major kudos. Ramona admits she’s enjoying herself with the cool, laid back Aviva and accepts her apology. I’ve gotta say, Aviva knew what she was doing, smooze up, booze up, flatter up & then apologize. Genius! How can Ramona say no?!
We end the premiere with a preview of the season to come! Sonja’s ass, her dogs ashes, cowboys, Ramona in curlers, Kristen confronting the women, the Singer Stinger, Aviva’s leg, and Heather dropping the F-bomb. Looks like we are in for a loaded season! Thoughts on Tonight’s season premiere? Was it what you expected or did it disappoint? Let’s Discuss!