This week’s Real Housewives of Miami continues to be a rehash of the same old sh*t. We begin with Joanna emasculating her soon-to-be husband on national TV. She continues to complain that he’s such a girl and won’t have enough sex with her. While drunk with Lisa, Lisa plays sex therapist to the couple and demonstrates what to do. It’s hilarious, but really, can we get another storyline already?
This episode, Romain also opens up about his past as a child. He reveals his parents split when he was just an infant. He lived with his dad, without a mother figure, and his step mom was abusive to both him and his brother. Romain reveals to the sex therapist that this is why he enjoys Joanna more when she’s feminine and not some aggressive horn ball.
Marysol and Alexia have decided that Adriana is a nutbag. Not that they didn’t have enough material to determine this already, but now Adriana is demanding that her wedding guests change twice. They’ll be in white for the ceremony and in Gatsby costumes for the reception. Weren’t the past few episodes already about this?
They take Adriana for a vitamin IV to keep her looking fresh and tell her she’s being a moron asking people to change, and sending out EVITES for her glamorous wedding. Included in her evite is a mood board so people know what to dress like. Adriana says it’s her wedding and she will do as she pleases, so bye.
Alexia is having a birthday party and tells Lea that Marysol is upset with her for not asking about Mama Elsa. a) This isn’t even the first time Marysol will run into Lea, so why is this being brought now? b) If Marysol already can’t stand Lea and vice-versa, why does she give two shits whether Lea reached out or not? You guys, this show went downhill really fast.
Lea whips out her phone to show Alexia that she has in fact reached out, even sent out a card and flowers, and that Marysol is lying. Alexia, not knowing what to believe, warns her that Marysol will be at her birthday party, and sure enough, as soon as Lea and Marysol spot each other, a producer-demanded fight happens.
But before that, there is another stupid, petty confrontation! Now that Lisa is officially in Joanna’s wedding as well, Adriana has a problem with that. Am I getting too old for Real Housewives? Because this is literally aggravating. Also, weren’t Adriana and Joanna made up last week? I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH THESE WOMEN.
Back to Marysol and Lea, Marysol calls Lea terrible names for not caring about Mama Elsa. Lea says she did not even know that Elsa had a stroke and that she DID send her flowers and a card after she learned something was wrong with her health. Marysol says this is all a lie. Lea disengages and walks away.
Lisa follows Lea who is crying because she loves Elsa and now she feels Elsa is being told lies about how much of an asshole she is. Marysol catches up with them and continues the fight. Lisa then comes to Lea’s defense (getting Birkins for people will secure friends for life) and Marysol tells her it’s none of her business and that this stems from years past before Lisa was a Housewife. Marysol walks off but Ana has words with Lisa, snarking her and asking if she’s hooked on phonics! Hilarious.
Alright, so here’s my take. I love RHOM. I love that they have the edge of spicy Latinas and the sexiness of Miami to work with, but this show is pretty much over. Out of curiosity I looked up ratings and this is what I saw:
No bueno. The stories are not captivating, and some of these girls are making me go back to Team Lea, which is like the lesser of the evils. Hopefully the wedding episodes coming up will make it a little more bearable! Let’s discuss tonight’s episode, though. What did you think of all of tonight’s shenanigans?!