It’s crazy how much the Real Housewives of Miami aren’t having sex, as we learned this week, given how gorgeous they are. I wonder what the problem is? Of course, maybe it’s all the drama that seems to surround this bunch. Or is it the other way around? Let’s see what they were up to on this latest episode!
We kick off with Romain blindfolding Joanna and showing her the new house they will be moving into. No more high rise Miami Beach condo for the couple, they’re going to be a married couple now, who is struggling to become intimate.
Marysol has her psychic over. She whips out her magical deck of gigantic cards and does a reading. According to the psychic, Mama Elsa’s health issues are a result of black magic. The psychic reveals that an older, blonde haired woman was the perpetrator. All signs of course point to Lea Black, and since Marysol apparently believes in this stuff, she’s going to run with it.
Lea is re-decorating her house with Lisa visiting. Lisa talks about the drama at Baioli with Adriana last week, that left Lea crying outside on the sidewalk after the “mean girls” acted like such. Lea is still feeling betrayed by Adriana’s lies, revealing she even set Adriana up on dates while she was secretly legally married! Okay, now this is getting a little intense.
Joanna is at her sex therapy session and Romain is not present because he’s mad. Marta, Joanna’s sister, texted Joanna saying Romain has been cheating and to re-think marrying him. Romain is heart-broken and furious. Joanna wants Marta while she plans her wedding and cries at their strained relationship. This poor therapist has to listen to Joanna’s family problems and help her vaginal deprivation.
The therapist and Joanna get down to the sex talk. Apparently they are only having sex once every other month. Joanna says her last boyfriend always wanted sex in all kinds of public locations, which Joanna clearly never turned down. Joanna calls Romain the emotional girl in the relationship. Way to emasculate your fiance on reality TV.
Lea is working on the Blacks Annual Gala which is coming up soon. She stops by Lance Bass’s radio show to promote it. She name drops and brags about their friendship. Yeah, yeah, mayor of Miami, etc. Meanwhile, Alexia is at work at the Venue Magazine offices working on the upcoming cover party. Alexia will probably not make it to the gala, but Lea is taking time from her chaotic schedule to attend the Venue party, so clearly the loyalty isn’t equally reciprocated.
Back at Joanna’s and Romain’s new house, he comes home and asks about the therapy. Is this supposed to be the same day? Joanna looks entirely different and her hair and outfit changed. Whatevs. Romain says she skipped sex therapy because Joanna’s sister is setting their relationship back with her allegations.
Romain is also upset Joanna is not defending him. Joanna is now conflicted because that’s her sister! Same drama as last season between these three. Romain says the sex life is odd because Joanna and him spent so much time apart being bi-coastal and what not, but agrees to go to therapy the next session.
Lisa has Adriana over and she is going to try to understand this web of lies that Adriana has spun herself and everyone else into. At Baoli the last episode, Lisa was shown the receipts – the legal records – and saw the actual marriage date, learning that Adriana did get MARRIED and not just “intended” to.
Adriana gifts Lisa a nurse outfit to seduce Lenny and have sex more often. (Why aren’t any of these gorgeous ladies having sex with their men?!) Lisa whips out the marriage record Joanna gave her, and Adriana cackles as her brain spins out of control trying to come with a new story. She says Lea is just being hurtful and doesn’t know any of the details.
This week’s take on her MARRIAGE in 2008: Adriana says she had an ordained person sign the marriage license because it had to be legal before her friend could wed them at the church. Is your brain turning to mush like mine is right now?
Lisa says Lea claims Adriana did it to con people into feeling bad for her single mother and have her son’s tuition paid for, etc. Nonetheless, Lisa accepts that as long as Adriana didn’t go off and date or act single, who cares about the legal marriage aspect. Adriana is glad Lisa doesn’t judge her and then asks Lisa to be her bridesmaid, who happily accepts! We’ll see how her other “friend” Joanna takes these news…
Lea is first to arrive at Alexia’s Venue party and she is too early! Highlight of the episode, the girl working the carpet not knowing who Lea Black was. Mayor of Miami, no? Lisa doesn’t go to Alexia’s venue party because Lenny has free time so she decides to have a sexy night in with her hubby. Lisa is the winner.
Adriana and Frederic arrive followed by Joanna and Romain. Lea greets everyone including Adriana and Frederic which is bizarre because um, they hate your guts? Lea tells Alexia she greeted them because she doesn’t want to hold on to drama.
Frederic then approaches Romain to say hi who blows him off. Apparently Frederic tweeted that Romain was a coward, but Adriana says they called a truce at the car wash so she’s shocked by Romain’s response. The husbands are going at it about their women’s drama. Adriana chimes in and they are all arguing in French about their Twitter drama and the bitch slap from season two. This is seriously hilarious to see. Subtitles and immaturity galore!
Joanna calls Adriana trash and says she belongs in a mental institution. Pot, meet Kettle. Adriana accuses Romain of sleeping with a Colombian chick which is laughable and seemed like an attempt to get the last dig in. Alexia never intervenes to end this madness at her magazine’s party because camera time. Catty, catty peeps. But that’s why we watch, right?!
Frederic then approaches Lea who clearly shares the same hairstylist as Vicki Gunvalson. Frederic slams Lea for airing out Adriana’s money problems. Lea denies saying anything about their family. LOLLLL.
Joanna is off to the side with Lea when Marysol and Ana arrive, Lea’s biggest enemies. As if not enough drama had just gone down for one night, Ana goes up to Joanna and then exchanges greetings with Lea. Alexis runs in and calls someone a hypocrite. Not even sure what the hell happened there.
Everyone has a sh*tty night and that’s the end of that. Next week is the Blacks’ gala and Alexia seems to be getting pressured by Adriana, Ana, and Marysol to not attend! We will see what happens then, but for now, let’s discuss this week’s episode!
What do you think the root of the problem is with Romain not being into Joanna sexually? Is he cheating? Is he GAY?! Is he secretly just not into her?! And thoughts on all the fighting at the Venue party?