RHOM Recap: The Drama And Lies Bring Us Back To Miami!


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The excitement for me is real because even though Real Housewives of Miami is the lowest rated franchise, it’s literally one of my top favorites! The third season has premiered and I am so ready for the drama, the glam, and the Miami scenery. Bring it!

After a recap of last season, we begin with Joanna arriving back in Miami. They don’t say from where, but she had been in Poland shooting a television show. Lea arrives to pick her up from the large plane, and apparently Joanna was the only passenger. Fake scene much? Nonetheless, this show is filmed so uniquely and it looks like a movie. I am loving it.

We are just minutes in, and the tea is already being spilled. Joanna brings up the gossip around town about Adriana already being legally married to Frederic since 2008! Lea laments that she feels betrayed by Adriana. She felt that she was helping a single mom get back on her own two feet, but she was married all along.

Furthermore, Lea is hurt that Adriana did not stand up to Ana and defend her at the RHOM season two reunion! Lea expresses that it’s “heart-breaking” that she would join alliances with the “bullies,” a.k.a. the Cubans. Oh God, cry me a river.

Marysol, Alexia, Ana and Lisa all head to Miami Fashion Week to check out a bridal expo that Adriana has invited them to. This is literally the best-dressed, sexiest cast and I am living. Lisa is with the Cubans waiting for Adriana to arrive, and she reveals that her real wedding happened years ago!

The girls don’t judge Adriana for it. Alexia in particular is not shocked by much that happens in Miami! She points out that the marriage was civil, and that the religious ceremony is culturally the important one to many people.

Lisa reveals that for her 30th birthday, only Adriana and Frederic came, which said a lot to her. Lisa has Adriana clear up the issue about her already being married to stop the gossiping and the judgements.

Basically, Adriana says that she legally filed a marriage license in 2008 after dating Frederic for a short amount of time (weeks!). Her son, Alex, was not taking the upcoming marriage ceremony too well, so they called off their ceremony entirely just two weeks before the big wedding.

Being exposed has taken a toll on Adriana and Frederic. Recently, the two argued while touring their yacht which is STILL not anywhere near looking finished. Adriana says everything is always Frederic’s fault, such as the marriage being exposed. Frederic doesn’t care that Lea is upset, and does the most hilarious Lea impersonation ever calling her a “wicked bitch!” He has a personality, after all! Love him.

My thing is, for two seasons Adriana was saying she did not want to marry because she was scared to open her heart up to love once again after the way her prior husband left her, but now it was about her son Alex? Why no divorce? Something is not straight here!

Back at the bridal expo, Adriana has explained her side and says in her mind, she’s not married. Lisa suggests that Adriana and Lea should have a sit down because they were friends for a long time and their sons are best friends. Lea on the other hand, tells Joanna that she is unaware that she ever even knew Adriana, and remains hurt by her.

Lea drops Joanna off at a car dealership. It turns out she was used by Romain to set up a surprise! Romain is waiting for Joanna leaning on a brand new white convertible, looking like a Greek statue. Joanna gets out and runs to Romain, who has just purchased this new car for Joanna!

It literally makes me sick how gorgeous these two are. Joanna and Romain are so happy to see each other and they seem to be in a much better place than last season. Joanna says they are in a great place in their relationship, and they have even set a wedding date, FINALLY!

We catch up with RHOM veteran Alexia, who is back as a full-fledged Housewife. Her son Frankie is doing MUCH better, thank God. His brain is closer to healing more and more every day. They are on their way to see Peter and Alexia’s mother, Nancy, who is also a character.

Alexia is glad her mom is in Miami from Spain to help her around with her kids. Peter, although healthy, has had legal issues since assaulting a homeless person. Peter says he’s been depressed since Frankie’s struggle, and Alexia just wants to get him back on the right track.

Lea still has Freda working for her, who is the cutest thing! Lea is in the middle of renovating her entire house, and she is going all out with two famous decorators, even hiding the bills from Roy! Other than Freda, I am entirely disinterested in Lea’s vignette. Next.

Wait up, though. She takes the chance to say she bought these pieces of art “from people who needed the money,” surely alluding to Adriana. Way to sound like a condescending biotch.

We’re over at Lisa’s house next, and she’s having all the girls over. Joanna arrives first, and Lisa is happy to see her but she’s pissed that Joanna has been a neglectful friend! Joanna throws a dig that she’s busy with her career, and has a job. Mean?

Marysol, Adriana, and Alexia arrive. Joanna and Adriana exchange awkward greetings. Lea has called in to say she won’t attend, to not see Adriana. Ana was not invited because Lea would be there. Adriana and Joanna are both wearing white which is a weird little omen, and instantly get down to business.

Adriana says that Lea acting hurt is bullsh*t, because she KNOWS the truth about the 2008 legal marriage and is exaggerating! Adriana is astounded that Lea is using it against her, and siding with Joanna, her nemesis. Marysol says that because Lea can’t manipulate Adriana anymore, she’s dropping her.

Marysol drops a “SILENCIO!” on the girls and asks to think about the petty crap they are arguing about. She reveals Mama Elsa was found unconscious in her room after suffering a hemorrhage and required surgery. Marysol is seeing progress but she misses her mom. All the girls suddenly come back down and propose to try and get along.

We shall see how long that lasts!

Let’s discuss the RHOM season premiere! Is Lea faking her “hurt” caused by Adriana?

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