This week on Real Housewives of Orange County, the women were back from Whistler and found themselves at a crossroads in their lives. To be clear, it was a filler episode before part one of the season finale. Clearly Bravo stitched together lost footage and bound it together with talking head interviews to make it seem relevant.
We begin with Gretchen who is talking about the Whistler trip and how Heather put her on blast about her supposed role offer on Malibu Country. She is also going to be proposing to Slade because she’s ready to spend the rest of her life with him now that he has a job.
Heather and Terry have gotten an offer on their current mansion and it’s too good to pass up. They walk around this new empty lot and drop numbers. It’s hilarious, and it seems like they are parodying themselves. ’36 foot ceilings…ours are only 24 feet high right now!’ And stuff like, ‘our house is only 10,000 square feet, this one will be 15!’
Terry reveals to Heather that he has purchased this lot to build a new house and that they will sell their current one. Terry will be able to work less because of it, so Heather is ecstatic that he will be home more! Did they make that much money off of the sale?
In the next staged scene, Tamra and Eddie head to a romantic dinner in Laguna Beach. They’ve been busy with CUT Fitness Studio which opens in just two weeks. The wedding clearly had to take a back seat and Tamra is frustrated that Eddie seems not to care about setting a date.
Eddie tells her a wedding ain’t gon’ pay the bills! He tells Tamra to pick a date and that he will be there on such date. Tamra takes her phone out and selects June 22. Oh look, we’re both free that day! So the wedding date is set. All that overreacting for nothing.
Vicki is at home with swollen eyes because of a fake eyelash allergic reaction. LOL, only Vicki. She’s getting ready to head out to Napa to distill the vodkas for her newest business, Vicki’s Vodka. Brooks is her “consultant” for the project and her partner is some guy who looks like a Food Network star.
Briana is still not on Team Brooks by any means. She thinks that Vicki doing business with him now is making her nightmares come true – that Brooks will screw Vicki for money. Vicki wants a man and tells Briana that she will always love Brooks and be his friend, even if everyone thinks he’s an opportunist.
Alexis then heads to a cute restaurant to meet with Gretchen. Gretchen arrives with her wedding cake’s worth of Gretchen Christine make up. Is no one buying that shit so she gets to use a lot of it? Alexis hopes to get to a point where they can make up.
Gretchen sits there frozen faces while Alexis cries about their falling out. She is very polite to Gretchen and grateful that she showed up. Gretchen doesn’t know what Alexis wants from her and once again uses Slade’s son Greyson for sympathy.
Gretchen says if Alexis cared she would’ve called her when he was sick. Umm, he’s not even your kid, Gretchen. Where have you been while he’s sick? In Puerto Vallarta with strippers and penises and talking threesomes while snowboarding in Whistler. Good bye.
Alexis is crying some more because she feels Gretchen betrayed her. I mean, Alexis stood up for her when everyone else was bashing her. Gretchen just does not care and tells Alexis she can not be friends and what they went through can not be fixed. Alexis seems to accept that there is no remedy and that’s that. Some people are just better off without others in their lives.
Over at the McLaughlins, they are hosting a “life group” which is similar to a bible study, but instead, they talk about their personal lives while relating them to bible verses. Lydia’s friends and group members arrive, and they all get into the action.
Lydia loves that she gets to cleanse herself with her bible friends of the RHOC filth she has tarnished herself with. I mean all that talk of threesomes that she just came back from. Like, ew! At the end of the day though, I think everyone would benefit from one of these life group sessions, so GO LYDIA!
Vicki is in Napa with Brooks and her business partners. The vodkas taste amazing and she wants to do a bloody mary mix and perhaps name is Piggy Mary, or Bloody Piggy, in honor of her doppelganger Miss Piggy. LOLLLLL! She thinks Brooks being on this trip is awkward, and hell yeah it is.
Finally at dinner, Vicki confronts Brooks about Lauri’s accusations that he is dating that stripper, porn star, escort, waitress who is much younger than she. Brooks completely denies everything and Vicki believes him. She now wants him to be the pump to her love tank!
Brooks says that as long as Briana tries ruling Vicki’s love life, their love will be a problem. The sad part is that Vicki looks genuinely happy with Brooks, it just sucks that nobody else likes him and they may be right considering what has happened with them in the last couple of weeks. That love tank is literally bottomless! Be alone for a bit, Vicki.
So then Jim Bellino lets Alexis leave the house for a bit. Hehe, just kidding! So Alexis heads out to LA for a cold read for a pilot she’s filming. Remember, acting is her new passion. What happened to Alexis Couture this season?
Alexis will be playing the part of a child psychologist. She does the cold read of her lines and she surprisingly doesn’t completely bomb. She did pretty well, and I’m happy for this girl. She got so much crap last season so it’s nice to see her differently for a change. She also admits she’s no Julia Roberts, so we know she’s not entirely delusional.
Judy, Lydia’s mom, makes a little cameo appearance on the mini scene and of course she is making Lydia uncomfortable. They’re having tea, and Judy talks about the tea bags. Lydia instantly goes into “ewww boys have cooties” mode. She’s cringing and EWWW-ing at the thought of the other kind of “tea bag” which is when a boy puts his “tea bag” on someone’s face.
Lydia then went into her pink bedroom and doodled ‘LYDIA + DOUG 4EVER’ in her Justin Bieber notebook with her Lisa Frank colored pencils. Do you guys think she and Doug do ANYTHING other than like, missionary? I mean. She’s just great. I love her.
Gretchen then decides to immortalize her love for Slade via a song, because he loves when she sings. Ehhhh. The songwriters and musicians have the best blank stares as she sits there and talks about what to write in the song. She steps into the booth to record the song and I’d rather pour sulfuric acid into my ear canal. Just awful.
Next week all the action picks back up! Vicki hears Slade talking crap about her face yet again on his radio show, and will confront him at her upcoming Winter Wonderland party. The Dubrows tell the kids they are selling the house! Then, Gretchen pops the question atop a skyscraper. Will Slade say yes?!
Let’s discuss this week’s episode! Thoughts?