The Real Housewives of Miami begins with Lisa having a lingerie fashion show for her maid/BFF Daysy. The Hochstein’s lingerie bash for breast cancer awareness is coming up and she needs to select the perfect outfit! I’m not sure what Lisa is tripping for, clearly she will look stunning in Wal-Mart bra and panties.
Lisa is upset that Lea hasn’t RSVP’ed to the event and Lea tells her she plans to come if she gets all her work done. Lea says she will donate even if she doesn’t come, and supports Lisa for “trying” to do a charity event. Ugh. Does she have to make condescending digs towards Lisa all the time?!
Lea is at her office working on the final details of her annual charity gala. Alexia and Joanna arrive to lend their help. Lea is working on seating charts and seats Adriana with Elaine and Karent. I mean, this doesn’t scream reality-TV-set-up-for-potential-drama at all. I hope you noted the sarcasm there.
Adriana says she is still fighting with Karent and is upset over an article where Karent says she is a classy lady and the other Housewives are botoxed with low IQ’s. Joanna defends Karent and says that journalists often write inaccurate things and misconstrue information. God, please, not this discussion again. It’s bringing painfully annoying RHONJ season four flashbacks. Clearly Adriana and Joanna are not seeing eye to eye regarding Karent.
Joanna is working on a photo shoot for a PETA campaign, which happens to be taking place at Lisa’s house. The slogan for this campaign is “Grow your own fur. Let the animals keep theirs.” So what is Joanna doing for the shoot? She is posing in underwear with faux pubic hair sticking out of her panties! It’s supposed to be funny but it’s kind of gross and weird. Joanna is clearly passionate about this cause and lives by it, which is respectable!
Lea’s husband has been in Palm Beach working on a serious case and he is coming home for a few days. Lea and her son are excited to welcome Roy home and have thrown a little welcome home party. Roy is upset that the verdict convicted his client. Freda, Lea’s housemaid, brings a fruit tart and they eat it. Zzzzzzzzzzz. I like Lea as a person but I’m not seeing what she brings to the show thus far. All I’m seeing is plans for her gala and a loud cackle. Next scene please!
Karent and Joanna are out shopping for gowns and Joanna discusses her chat with Adriana at Lea’s office. Karent says everything the other girls are saying about her is based on nothing. She adds that the article where she bashes the other girls misconstrued her words and she didn’t mean what the journalist claims Karent said. Joanna assures Karent that if something goes bad, she’s got her back. Joanna annoys me sometimes, but she’s down to fight and that’s enough reason for me to want her in my corner!
Adriana explains that the dress code for Lisa’s bash is lingerie only, or you won’t get in so she goes shopping and Ana joins her along with her daughters. Ana is so cute and is shy to wear lingerie in front of people at a party, but Adriana clearly has no shame and is trying on a virgin-esque lingerie get up. Adriana is still pissed about Karent’s article and is making it known that her war against Karent is not over! Oh how I wish I could be at this lingerie party! With Housewives and flowing alcohol, it looks like it’s about to go down – again.
Bonus scene in between commercial breaks: Joanna says she would tell fur-loving Kim Kardashian that she is a disgusting human being if she ever ran into her. It made me giggle.
It’s the day of the lingerie bash and Lisa is running around like a mad woman trying to make sure all the details are smoothed out. Lisa says her party looks like a brothel, but it’s for charity! I just can’t help but love this woman. Lisa is a bit bummed that Marta, who is staying with her temporarily, is just lounging around and not helping set up the event at all. She is basically treating this like a vacation and Lisa says Marta needs to find herself.
Marysol is dressed in a cute nightgown with a fur petticoat, and Mama Elsa tells her she smells like an old cat because that fur had a cat sleep on it when she first handed it dow to Marysol. Mama Elsa models what she would wear to the party if she were going, so she put her chicken feathers on her head and started walking around fanning herself. She is clearly drunk and I am dying! Mama Elsa never fails to bring the laughs to the show.
Back at Lisa’s, things are a little behind schedule and Lisa and Lenny are under a lot of stress! The party finally starts and people arrive. There are so many beautiful bodies in lingerie! I guess this is Miami for us. Lea arrives covered in some obnoxious feathers looking like an aged show girl. She is with Elaine, who is James tonight (he’s out of drag), and Joe Francis, creator of Girls Gone Wild, who is apparently her long-time friend.
Joanna is irritated that Joe Francis is present because he’s a “scumbag”. Joanna obviously doesn’t care that much, or is being fake, because she approaches Lea and Joe to say hello. She is talking to Joe like nothing even though she just said she dislikes him.
Marysol arrives in her fur and Joanna is obviously alerted right away since she hates fur-wearers! Karent, the “carrier pigeon”, approaches Marysol to ask if it’s faux fur she has on, and then says she wouldn’t wear it since Joanna will be offended. I am sorry, but Marysol doesn’t need to follow Joanna’s believes. Karent is clearly stirring the pot here. Marysol is annoyed that she just walked in and Karent is already working her nerves.
Joe Francis approaches the ladies and he says he knows Joanna and Marta from back when they were trying to make it in Hollywood. He claims he slept with both of them and Karent runs off to tell Joanna what Joe just said! Joanna gets mad at Joe and he sticks by his claims, saying it’s the truth. Joanna denies sleeping with Joe, and she tells him he needs to go back to jail for being a “fucking liar”! She starts telling Joe to go “fuck himself”, calls him a sicko, and mayhem just unravels at this point!
Karent says it was her duty to tell Joanna that Joe was spreading lies. I think she was just trying to stir something up. Joanna calls Marta over and she tells her Joe just told everyone he slept with both of them. Joanna sure is egging this on even after Joe has been pulled from the situation by Lea. Marta is drunk and giggling when Joanna asks if she slept with Joe, basically admitting that she did! Joanna is shocked and the episode ends on that note.
Next episode all sh*t hits the fan, for lack of a better word! James/Elaine gets into it with some guy and shoves him into the pool. Adriana arrives at the lingerie bash and confronts Karent for putting out an article where she talks badly about the other Housewives. Of course, a drunken Joanna gets involved and chases Adriana through Lisa’s house which ends in a bitchslap to the face!
The season keeps getting better and better each week! Have you been watching? Do you believe Joe’s claims that he slept with Joanna? Or is Joanna hiding something from her past? Is Karent being Joanna’s friend or is she just an instigator?! Let’s discuss!