Alexis Bellino Shares Her Thoughts On The ‘Intervention’ The Ladies Gave Her; Says She Was Bullied!
RHOC star Alexis Bellino took to her blog to discuss the intervention the other housewives gave her at Costa Rica and believes she was bullied! Alexis also talks about how friendships change and her thoughts on how Gretchen handled the situation.
Alexis says, “The past few episodes have been very difficult for me. I found myself slipping into a depression from the harsh words and cruel actions of these women. I had to take a few weeks off from blogging, among other things, simply to focus on what’s truly important in my life: my husband, children, and my own sense of self.
It is very apparent to me that the past few episodes were all about defining relationships. There are many ways to define the relationships you have with others, and we’ve seen a very wide spectrum of choices being made; many very positive, many very negative. Defining any relationship can be something you’ve wanted to do for a long time and suddenly, with one act, it’s done. One thing is for sure though: it’s hard to go back once choices have been made.
I like to think that most of the time in my life, when I have defined (or redefined) relationships, it has been for the best outcome of everyone involved. Marriage, friendships, children, colleagues. . .these are all relationships that we can either knowingly work on to define every day, OR we can let time takes its toll, and look at a relationship and say, “Oh my, what happened to that friendship?” Usually when this happens, it’s because both parties did not take the time to define the relationship. The result is usually not a good one.
So when it came to Costa Rica, the final outcome was a bully session. It may not have been everyone’s intent in the beginning, but that is what the outcome was. It doesn’t make these women bad people necessarily, but it does mean they made some bad choices. I’m not upset it happened, because it revealed to me a side of reality I could not have been aware of without it.
None of what was done to me seems to have been thought out all the way through. First, calling it an “intervention” would be fine if it hadn’t been so hurtful. An intervention is when a group of people who loves you gets together and sits you down to discuss with you a problem you have. But an alcoholic doesn’t get a sit-down talk from a group of alcoholics with drinks in their hands — he gets it from friends and family who don’t have an alcohol problem. So for me to be attacked (and that is what it was in the end) by a group that is equally as materialistic, showy, pretentious, and “phony” as they say I am is ludicrous. No one is going to convince me that I am any more fake than anyone else. Are we fake in different ways? Yes, but I can give examples of each of these women not being authentic.
It’s hard, looking back, to take anyone seriously about their stance in Costa Rica when I watch it play out on TV. I see every single woman there with high-end houses, nice things, nice cars, stunning jewelry, beautiful handbags. . . the list goes on and on. They can say what they did was because “I talk about it more,” but if you listen to the dialogue that leads up to me talking about any of my things, you will ALWAYS hear someone asking me first. It’s not me just blurting out what I have out of nowhere. Someone says I’m blinding them with my ring or asks me how many cars we have. . .what should I do? Not respond and run away for fear of how I will be perceived by America? Now that’s crazy!
All this paired with the fact that Gretchen chimed in with everyone, instead of telling them to lighten up on me, just put me over the edge. I should have known that would be the outcome when prior to Costa Rica she had been mocking me with Tamra. She did nothing when Tamra proceeded to make fun of my nose surgery and then she made the comment about Fox 5. I was getting hints all along, however, I truly thought that when those women were bullying me that Gretchen would have stepped in. I valued my friendship with her so much. She was truly one of my closest friends at that time, and I would have done ANYTHING for her. I am just hoping and praying our friendship can recover from everything that has happened this season. I love the girl.
The episode before all this happened in Costa Rica where I invite Tamra to lunch should have been foreshadowing. Call me naïve, but I didn’t see it coming. Maybe it’s because I can honestly say that if the tables were turned, I would never wait until someone was on vacation to come at them, and even more than that, I would never agree to do a group attack that was premeditated. It sent chills up my spine when she says in Heather’s room, “We’ll just kill the b—h.” I couldn’t even watch some of the episodes because I would get so upset with some of the things coming out of Tamra and Heather’s mouths.
My lunch with Tamra didn’t have a surprising outcome, but I feel again like the level of nastiness is unwarranted and doesn’t make anything better. If you are willing to put yourself on the line and take a risk because you know a relationship is on life support or just needs some shaping up, that means you’re taking the reins of your life and holding yourself responsible for the relationships YOU have created. There are a lot of positive, wonderful things that can come from redefining relationships, but there is always that chance that the person you are in a relationship with is not going to see things the same way you do. Part of the risk you’re taking is getting hurt, or having other people say things that you didn’t expect, or of having things work out in a way that you perceive as negative. But I think it’s safe to say I’m not the only one who saw how this lunch worked out as a negative. I get it: you don’t like me, and that’s fine. But most adults would agree that for the sake of a shared group of friends, learning to be courteous and civil is not asking too much of either party. It’s not just our responsibility to our shared circle of friends — how you behave publicly toward individuals you may or may not like sends a message to your children. To me, it’s about responsible parenting and being a responsible mutual friend.
All of this is part of growing up and I personally have found that no matter what the outcome is, I am always happy I decided to be honest about my thoughts and feelings. When you really don’t care about someone, you simply don’t make the effort to meet them halfway. I’m not making the mistake to think that someone’s sharp tongue or hurtful words is a sign of someone who doesn’t care. If you really listen closely to people who can’t keep quiet about how much they dislike you, you’ll find that the truth is not that they hate you, but that it’s a deeper issue at hand. It could be hurt, it could be jealousy, it could be feeling misunderstood or slighted — it could be something you can’t even imagine because another person’s picture of reality is so different from yours. The truth is it’s not mine to understand. . .But it is my responsibility to be respectful, and when I can no longer be respectful, I walk away.?On the other hand, don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. Just because I don’t say every last little nasty thing that comes to my mind, I am in no way weak. I lay my head on my pillow at night content with how I run my life, and that’s what is important to me.
I have learned a lot over the past year, and wonderful things can come of relationships that are allowed to change as they grow. But that doesn’t mean you should ever become a victim of bullying. Remember that there’s no age limit on bullying and it can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime. It’s not something to be taken lightly or brushed aside. I am working with some bullying campaigns now that do great work. THAT is how I make a positive out of a negative!!! It’s never acceptable to hurt others intentionally, and it’s even less acceptable for us as a society to let people off the hook for this kind of behavior. So be kind, but be vigilant — because bullying leads to many sad outcomes, including suicide.”
Alexis makes some interesting points! Do you believe Alexis was being bullied? Do you think Alexis and Gretchen will ever be friends?
Category: Alexis Bellino, Gretchen Rossi, Heather Dubrow, RHOC, Tamra Barney, Vicki Gunvalson
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i dont think Alexis was bullied but I do think Tamra was too aggressive and I think Gretchen should not have chipped in.
Well said
I can’t stand when adults use the word “bullied” when discussing their bad experiences with other adults.
WOW.
I can’t read all of this…LOL…its’ soooooooooooo long. Someone please sum it up for me.
It’s about redefining relationships and how she felt bullied in Costa Rica. Tamra was rude to her at the lunch but Alexis thinks that being civil isn’t too much to ask- this was A’s attempt to redefine her and T’s relationship into something more constructive. A is hurt by all the negative things privately said about her by T and Heather. A is really hurt that Gretchen chimed in during the “intervention” so her relationship with G has changed but she hopes it can change still for the better. A is taking her experience and making a positive of it by supporting anti-bullying campaigns because “there’s no age limit to bullying.” The end.
haha! Very succinct!
I wholeheartedly 100% believe Alexis was bullied by Tamera and Heather. However I believe Heather did it in a more passive aggressive manner and Tamera was vindictive,spiteful, and cruel. Heather and Tamera planned it and Tameras “kill the bitch” comment proves she did in a mean nature instead of “concern and compassion “. Alexis I am proud of. She is taking the high road and acting classy and like an adult unlike her costars! She’s turned this into a learning experience and it sounds like she’s truly grown. She makes a very valid and wise argument with a lot of great points! I’d take a “phony” Alexis over a hate filled Tamera or passive aggressive Heather anyday!
I agree with this.
I second that emotion.
as do I !!
Good call, LJ.
I saw the episode and I agree with LJ, Tamra is complete trash and Heather was passive aggressive. if she is as refined as she pretends to be she wouldn’t have gone there.
Her husband was very keen to be on TV and he and Heather are obviously trying to make a mark to stay on for next season. But they did it at another persons expense. Not new to the HW franchises but not nice and not necessary. Heather is stepping down to be on the show and Tamra just got lucky to even get invited originally, she really is just a trailer park beauty queen. Come on, she had to cut the tatoo of her ex’s name of her ring finger just so she can get married to the next piece. And Gretchen is broke as a joke with Slade and should have had Alexis back. They really are all posers.
Gretchen really pissed me off during this so called intervention. As we English say she should’ve kept her gob shut! Out of all the HW, she was Lex’s only real friend and IF she genuinely felt that way about her (with the bragging etc) she should’ve took her to one side and explained how she felt instead of joining forces with the wicked witches of the west and ganging up on her on what was supposed to be a holiday.
I don’t even like Alexis although I think she’s mostly harmless but I did feel sorry for her.
Usually when a HW talks about being bullied (Kelly Bensimon) I roll my eyes and say whatever, but Alexis WAS bullied.
Good point. I agree…Alexis was. Kelly certainly was not.
Systematic bullying, get it right! j/k :p
But I completely agree with you. Kelly wasn’t bullied, she started most of the shit with Bethenny especially during the Scary Island trip. Alexis, on the other hand, was ganged up on. Tamra (whom I used to like) has become very aggressive. I don’t think she always means to be, I think at times she’s trying to be witty but unlike Bethenny her one liners come across as spiteful, jealous and aggressive.
Intervention my a**! It was a Alexis bashfest and all of them, with the exception of Vicki, enjoyed it!
What exactly did Alexis personally do to any of them? So she likes to talk about the cars, jewels, house…etc, big deal. Never was it her belittling the others.
It was a nasty scene when they were demeaning Alexis. You can get a msg across politely and effectively without bringing someone down, bur BravoTv wants them to bring on the drama and it will never change.
They should call out Tamara when she grabbed Vicki’s boyfriend’s hand and placed it on her chest. That whole scene was a Royal-Tamara mess moment! Nothing Alexis has done has even equaled or came close to that!
Alexis bought up the conversation! If she didnt want to hear what they had to say then she shouldnt have asked! It really pisses me off when i hear her say she was bullied, when their are real people struggling with real bullies everyday!
Krystal, I think people say bullying because all of them went after her. The intention was to make her feel bad, not make her see the “error of her ways.” I really like Tamra, but she wasn’t concerned with Alexis’ feelings at all. Neither was Heather, nor Gretchen, for that matter. I originally questioned the use of the word bullying, as well. But, the more I think about it, she was attacked. There was a better way to have that conversation if they really thought it necessary.
I don’t love Alexis. Never have. But, this season I feel badly for her. I guess bullied is a good way to describe it. But, when I saw the episode, I didn’t think bullied, I just thought way out of line and widely inappropriate. Basically because they ALL are fuiltynof doing what they claim Alexis does. That is what I can’t stand in any of this….the hypocrisy.
They seemed to take enjoyment in making Alexis feel like shit. If those ” reasons” needed to be addressed, there was a better way to do it. I just don’t understand the enjoyment of hurting someone. So yes, i see thay bullying describes it well.
I have always thought Alexis was pretentious and a one-upper. But, you know what??? So are the rest of them.
I never really followed RHOC but did I read somewhere that Tamras xhubby was suppose to have been emotionally/verbally abusive to her?? Well I have been in a abusive relationship & can NOW spot signs & Tamra has become/is abusive..All this season she constantly makes remarks abt Alexis..she has turned into what she says Simon was/is.She is a bully..just don’t like her..I like Alexis/Vickys new friendship. Alexis WAS/IS Gret. friend, that was just hard to watch!!Again Bravo has chosen 1 gal to get dumped on from each show with no reguard to how bad it hurts/destroys the person & their families..getting harder to watch any of them..no fun anymore especiallly New Jersey!!!
I definitely think it was bullying. When girls get together and pre-plan an attack on someone with a flimsy reason, it is bullying.
Tamra has always been the mean girl and she’s very toxic to all of those arou d her.
I disagree that Alexis was bullied…but I don’t like her even a little so I admit that may color my feelings. I think Alexis got what she asked for-she was the one who started the whole conversation with Heather by trying to call HER out in front of everyone. Wisely, Heather said let’s talk about it since we ALL know about it and ALL have opinions about it. Alexis was mad because she quickly found out that all the other women felt the same about her-yes, even Gretchen-and she wasn’t prepared to defend herself. Too bad.
As a friend of Alexis, I think Gretchen did the right thing by telling the truth! Why shouldn’t she? She didn’t say what she did in a mean way. Alexis should have just accepted the criticism instead of trying to turn it back on the other women, but she was more interested in looking like the “victim” than in hearing what anyone had to say about what SHE brought up! That to me is a page straight out of her husband’s play book. Those two deserve each other
I so agree with you. Alexis did bring the conversation up. Tamra was the only one that took it to far. Gretchen was being honest & so was Heather. Heather was also a little upset because Alexis kept brining Terry into the conversation. This is not bullying to me. What goes on with Teresa on RHNJ is.
Let’s not forget how Alexis acted last season with Peggy! Or how Alexis attacked Vicki & have everyone else join in! So shut up Alexis! What comes around goes around!
Completely agree! She could have brought up the issue with Heather one-on-one but she did it in front of everyone. Gretchen could have taken her aside and said her opinion but Gretchen did not say it in a mean and hurtful way. It seemed to me that she was trying to explain to Alexis how she may come off to people who are not close to her.
I’ve never liked Alexis. I do think she’s phony and competitive and says things that aren’t true to try to elevate others perception of other status. That said, I now find myself liking her more or being open to her at least. While I fully expected Tamra to be mean and vindictive and heather to take her “higher road” approach pretending to help Alexis with an intervention, I was truly gobsmacking by Gretchen. She tried to say it in quit terms, etc. but she failed to see that saying anything was dog piling onto the conversation and making Alexis feel attacked. If she were a friend – even a waning friend who’d grown tired of Alexis’ nonsense would have approached her privately and away from the other women.
I’m not sure any of these women were “To the manner born” it seems only Tamra get painted with the trailer trash brush due to jeanne Keogh saying it over and over a few seasons ago.
I agree! I don’t like Alexis at all because she thinks she’s prettier, richer, and better than everyone when she’s not even better than them. However, I agree with what you said about Gretchen approaching her privately away from everyone else. I feel bad for Alexis this season, but I do think she brags constantly, and would say whatever to make herself look good and is above everyone else. She even talks down to people which makes them not like her.
I do think Gretchen owes Alexis an apology though. Alexis was Gretchen’s ONLY TRUE FRIEND, and she did tell Alexis calmly in front of her without yelling or bullying her. As a TRUE FRIEND, she should have WARNED Alexis, and tell her her thoughts without everyone present. I think all of them show off a lot, but they don’t compete and brag like Alexis does. Can you imagine how she’s like without the cameras? They say she’s far worse and even more fake, so I do believe she’s as phony as it gets…
I thought Gretchen said in that episode that she did try talking to Alexis a few times before that? I may be wrong but in her head shot interview I thought she said it! Thats why she was upset for upsetting Alexis.. people forget that when every1 hated Alexis,seasons prior, Gretchen was her only friend. Grown women should not have to have someone have their back constantly. I think that peeves me the most with Alexis , is that she feels that Gretchen has to have her back every minute- very needy. I think that stems from her marriage to Jim! Now that everyone is supposedly friends, certain peeps have panties in a bunch. Alexis wanted to be involved with mending Gretch and Tam, but now its happened and she no likey! Vicki wanted everyone to be “nice” to each other, and she no likey either.
Alexis and her husband Jim are total phonies.
Ummm..maybe..BUT So is EVERYONE else on these stupid shows!
So why pick on Alexis?Tamra not only is a phony But also a Trash-talking bitch!
Heather is also a bitch..Alexis is right..they all ask her personal questions and then attack her when she answers them.
If I was Alexis, everytime Tamra, Heather or Gretchen ask me a question about my money, my house, my ring, my husband , I would tell them to STFU!
For sure!!!!
That reply was about them being phony
Alexis, you were not bullied. Basically what happened to you is the same shizzz you pulled on Vicki. NO one said you were evil or bad just pretentious. And liking nice things like the others do is different from being materialistic and pretentious.
I agree with you. Plus she was mean to her so called friend Peggy I think that was her name. On the fake scale she tops anyone of those women. She’s not relatable. She shouldn’t be on the show. She has no confidence and lacks intelligence and is out of touch with reality.
To add to my post… It’s nice to see Alexis can afford another thing in life… Someone to write for her. I guarantee she didn’t write that. She’s not that well spoken.
Alexis didn’t start anything. Heather brought up Jim. Alexis responded. It wasn’t enough for them and they attacked. WHY would any of them be asking about Jim when they’ve all made it clear how they feel about him. It was calculated and cruel and they all knew what they were doing.
Love Grethen but so disappointed in her behavior. Don’t know how someone that’s been in that situation before can sit back and allow it to happen again to someone that they supposedly called a friend…and at the hands of Tamra especially!
Bullied? No Attacked? Yes. From what I saw, the ladies were trying to explain to Alexxis the manner in which she goes about talking about what she has as Gretchen tried to explain where she said something about owning a Bentley and Alexxis replied oh that’s so two months ago.
Also, if you remember her opening tag line (last season?) where she said “Am I high maintenance? Of course I am … Just look at me!” It’s those types of statements that make me roll my eyes.
Also, the fact that her husband is a scammer who was sued for fraud, deceit, wrongful foreclosure, breach of written contracts and other accusations; ran a sports memorabilia company selling forged merchandise and to top it off, he changed his Middle Eastern name to an Italian name. (not that it’s a crime to change your name but he’s so friggen phoney he makes me want to gag)
So I think that’s why the ladies have an issue with Alexxis, as her husband is a reflection of her and they appear to be putting on a front that they are filthy rich.
I live in the oc also and a friend of mine told me a similar story about jim. Alexis is a fake,
obnoxious fool and he has a nice chin implant!
Im not sure if I would classify her intervention as bullying, sorry. I remember when Alexis and Tamra were out for dinner and drinks last season, or season before. Tamra was going through the tough times with Simon. Alexis was rude and made digs about it to her, and Tamara shot back that she thought Jim was controlling like Simon! Alexis was never a genuine and sincere personality on this show. While Tamra may come off as rude to some or “mean” I see it as her being blunt and honest and she fights back when people are demeaning to her, what s wrong with that? I personally do not care for fake or insincere. She and Vicki had a lot to say about Slade, because well, its Slade! he is a stage five clinger for Christ sake. Gretchen was doing wrong, and her and Tamra talked it out apologized and moved on- nothing wrong there its called growth. If Alexis calls this bullying, what does she call San Francisco? What about how harsh and rude she was to Peggy who was her real friend for a few years? I agree with loilea above also! Tho other girls have also given Alexis chances before this! She is pissed because Gretchen and Tamra are friends, point blank.Vicki is pissed because they are friends as well and her boyfriend is a hot mess, point blank!
Yep!!! I think Alexis is so fake!
All of these women are too old to be acting like this. I think alexis and gretchen are the only ones age appropriate for this show if this is how bravo wants them to behave. They look foolish! If bravo wants more drama they need to find younger women who married up a couple classes and feel entitled to the world. Those bitches would put on some good catfights
I think nowadays people really need to be careful with throwing the word “bullying” around. Do I think that they approached Alexis in the best way possible over this? No. I honestly don’t think an “intervention” was needed to tell someone they’re being fake. If they want to be fake, let them be fake. It doesn’t affect them & if that’s the way Alexis wants to live her life, then let her.
But there are people bullied every single day that are HONESTLY bullied every single day….and to call THIS bullying, is wrong. This was a few women that told her over dinner they felt she was being fake. The approach, again, was wrong….but it wasn’t bullying.
If her husband, children, family and friends are the MOST important thing to her & she doesn’t feel that being in this environment is good for her…..then there’s a really good solution. Don’t do the show anymore. HW’s leave shows all the time when it no longer proves to be healthy for their lives anymore. If it’s come to that point, walk away.
LOVE Tamra!!!! Whether one is a fan or not, Tamra & Gretchen appear to really be the shining this season & bringing the controversy this season, thus the high ratings… Think we just have to keep in mind that this ‘is a television reality show’ & obviously exaggerated storylines for ratings.. I doubt very much if any of the housewives in the franchises’ are ‘true friends’ outside of their work environment. As in most careers or jobs one is usually ‘friendly’ with most if not all but seldom associate outside of work as true, personal friends’ for most of us have our own friends in our inner circle that have been there for years…. Regardless, makes for a good show, entertaining & great ratings…
I need the purple ink that gives me the highlights back
I definitely think that Tamra and Heather ganged up on Alexis (probably in an attempt to get attention/ratings.) But it bothers me how “bullying” has become the new buzzword. An issue gets needed attention, and then lots of other people start co-opting it to suit their purposes–this happens quite a bit.
I got bored reading it.
I HAVE TO SAY… ALEXIS IS A WANNA BE… SHE DOES PUT ON THIS BIG ACT AND SHE IS VERY INSECURE… IT IS SO SO OBVIOUS.
LEX… WHAT THE GIRLS TOLD YOU IS TRUE.. YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOURSELF… YOU ARE SO PHONEY.