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RHOBH Recap: The Curse Of Carlton The Witch!

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We start tonight’s episode off with Carlton getting things ready for her annual pool party. Of course the theme of her party is “sex,” well it’s actually something America, but you can’t really tell. Kim is at a Hollywood Collectors Show, and she has a line of fans waiting to meet her and get her autograph. Kim looks gorgeous, and it’s really nice to see how much she lights up being with her fans. Kim runs into her childhood crush, who once walked by her and slapped her butt, while growling like a lion. LOL Back at Carlton’s pool party, the ladies are arriving, and of course Brandi shows up with the mindset that she’s 16 years old. She literally looks ridiculous. Lisa arrives and you can tell she’s completely out of her element and a little grossed out. Lisa continues to talk to Brandi about her hand, and Brandi immediately goes into spoiled brat mode and snaps that she’s fine and is going to the doctor Monday.

What I find odd is that Brandi says she didn’t go to the doctor right away because she didn’t have medical insurance, but yet, she drives a RANGE ROVER! Only in America! Brandi storms off and says she needs to get away before she kills herself, and leaves Yolanda and Lisa there kind of stunned. Brandi thinks that Lisa only mothers her for attention and to make Brandi feel like crap. Joyce and her husband arrive at the party and they greet Carlton, and Carlton makes a nasty face behind their back. So immature. The ladies have one of the pole dancers “twerk” for them, and Lisa shouts out, “That’s disgusting.” LOL Kyle arrives, and she’s supportive of Carlton’s party, but it isn’t her taste. I think besides Brandi, it’s none of the ladies’ taste.

Kyle and Lisa are inside talking and looking at the Hustler bags Carlton has for the guests. Carlton walks by and they ask her what’s in them. They then look at her new tattoo, and that’s when Kyle insults Carlton for the 48054704951549581 time. Kyle doesn’t get a good look at the tat and she mistakes it for the Star of David, which isn’t an insult, but of course Carlton takes it as one, and says, “Are you f***ing kidding me?” Kyle is thrown off by her comment, but is still nice to her. Some of the ladies are in the pool, and it looks gross. I think everyone needed a pregnancy test after swimming in that pool. When Kyle is leaving, Carlton admires Kyle’s necklace, so Kyle gives it to her. I think it was very nice of Kyle, considering Carlton has been nothing but rude to her. Carlton is shocked and considers that she may be wrong about Kyle. Yolanda is with her daughter making lemonade, and she’s such a good mom. Yolanda is setting things up for a painting party she is having for the ladies, so they can paint pictures for Gigi to have around her while she is away at school in NYC.

Kyle is talking to her hairstylist about her guest spot for Days of Our Lives. She’s sharing a story about how her mom taught her and Kim to remember their lines, and it’s so sweet. Yolanda is getting ready for the ladies to arrive, and five minutes before the painting party is supposed to begin, Lisa textes her and says she isn’t going to come. This upsets Yolanda, because she considers Lisa a good friend, and wishes Lisa would have texted her sooner, like Kyle and Kim did, who are not her closest friends. She then calls Lisa and tells her she’s disappointed that Lisa waited until the last minute to let her know she wouldn’t be coming. Joyce arrives first, and is excited to paint. Carlton arrives looking hungover. Carlton then showers Yolanda with all these compliments, with Joyce standing there, and I think it’s rude. I mean, she doesn’t even at least say to Joyce, “Oh, you look nice too.” Like say SOMETHING!

None of the ladies are going to drink wine, except for MAYBE Brandi, so Joyce asks Yolanda if she even needs to take it outside. Of course, this immediately offends Carlton, and she starts going off asking Joyce to not label Brandi. Can Carlton and all her imaginary drama please stop it already? The viewers see EXACTLY what you are trying to do, and it’s not working. Joyce is shocked that Carlton is making an issue of a nonexistent issue. Nobody wanted wine. So why would she carry the wine? Especially carry it for her not BFF Brandi? Brandi arrives and the ladies begin their painting. Yolanda brings up that Lisa canceled coming due to meetings, and in her TH, Brandi insinuates that Lisa didn’t go because Malibu was far. The ladies are having fun painting, and Yolanda’s husband, David pops up to say hello, and check out their paintings.

Carlton out of the blue, fills the ladies in on a “dream” she had about Kyle talking crap about her behind her back, and she asks the ladies, and they all give her an answer she doesn’t wanna hear, which is “No.” Carlton wants SO BADLY to have an issue with Kyle, that she’s desperate to turn anything into a fight. She even asks if anyone has been talking about her faith. How calculating can she be? Is that why she’s been bringing it up so much? It seems to me Carlton’s plan was to win fans over as the victim who was judged for her beliefs and it’s not working, so she’s inventing situations to make it look that way. Carlton says she wants Kyle not to talk behind her back, and yet she’s always talking about Kyle behind her back. The ladies are trying to switch topics, and Joyce tells Carlton she needs to talk about this with Kyle.

The ladies are trying to have fun, but of course Carlton, can’t stop talking about Kyle. Brandi jokes that Kyle was scared Carlton was going to cast a spell on her, and Carlton says she will if she f***s with her. What kind of loving, I only practice white magic, witch is she? She’s a fraud. Joyce thinks the whole thing is silly, and even makes it a point to say that spells can’t get to you if you don’t believe in it. Carlton gets annoyed, and starts cussing because Joyce has a strong faith in her God to protect her. I think it’s stupid that Carlton wants everyone to respect her religion, and just because they don’t fear her, she gets mad and wants to threaten them. Joyce stands by that you have the power to decide what effects you. The next day, Joyce is hanging out with Kim, and she tells Kim that her husband got really sick that night, and she thinks Carlton and her threats, may have had something to do with it!

Next week, Carlton gets the reaction from Kyle she’s been asking for all season, as they go head to head!

Thoughts on tonight’s episode? Let’s discuss!